Gaslighting: An Intro - By Intern Sam
In every relationship whether it is professional; or personal, you are going to encounter speed bumps that cause you to slow down and analyze your current situation. Every couple at some point will get into an argument or debate that can get heated. Relationships improve through communication. If two people can find a healthy resolution and reach a mutual decision, an argument can be a huge learning experience. However, in some relationships, a person may start using aggressive mental tactics to win an argument. A poisonous mental tactic called gaslighting comes in and wreaks havoc on a relationship. This is incredibly unhealthy and can cause long term damage to a person’s mental health. It’s amazing how something so subtle and undetectable can be so dangerous and have the potential to destroy a relationship. This month we will break down gaslighting and discuss all the different aspects of it at length.
Gaslighting; What is it and how does it work?
Gaslighting is a popular subject in the field of psychology right now. To gaslight someone is to psychologically abuse them to the point where they begin to question their own memories creating a constant sense of doubt and a false perception of reality. Let’s use a made-up couple as an example. Amy had spoken with Mark yesterday about going to dinner with her parents. Mark said that’s a great idea. The day they are supposed to go out this is how the conversation goes:
Amy: Mark are you ready we have to leave to meet my parents?
Mark: What are you talking about? I never agreed to meet your parents.
Amy What’re you talking about we agreed yesterday?
Mark: No what I said was I like the idea of meeting your parents I never said I wanted to do it tomorrow! You never listen to what I’m saying!
Despite the fact that Mark had already agreed to meet Amy’s Parents, he insists he never did and now blames Amy for “misunderstanding” what he said. In reality, Amy was the victim of Marks gaslighting tactic. Mark used a technique called countering. This is where a person uses phrases to make the victim question their memories and is only one of the many examples of how someone can be gaslighted in a relationship. The longer a person is exposed to gaslighting, the more detrimental it can be to their mental health.