Holding Onto Anger

What is the downside of holding on to anger? Who does holding on to anger hurt? Unfortunately, it mostly hurts you. Sometimes we get this idea that if we are mad at someone and we ice them out, they are getting punished for their bad deed. And they might feel that, but not even close to how much you feel your anger. It takes a lot more energy to hang onto that anger. 

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t set boundaries with people that hurt you or have expectations of people. It doesn’t even mean you shouldn’t get angry at people. Of course you are going to get angry at people. And you might stay angry for a while. But if your intention is to punish them, it might not work out like you are hoping. If you spread your anger by talking about that person to other people, you still have zero control over how much that impacts them. They could be completely unbothered by it and then your anger continues to only hurt you. But there’s a flip side to that thats really good for you!

You choose how much what other people think about you bothers you. There is such freedom in being able to see that someone doesn’t like you or is saying hurtful things about you, and not let it get it you. This is much easier said than done, but it is possible with practice. Practicing taking responsibility for your own emotions, and telling yourself you are not responsible for other people’s feelings can be such a relief when that message finally sinks in. 

To be clear, this does not mean you shouldn’t think about other people’s feelings. You don’t want to be a jerk. This doesn’t mean if someone says “you hurt me” you say “not my problem”. You can be considerate and be free of being responsible for other people’s feelings. You can still apologize for hurting someone’s feelings. 

Other people’s points of views are completely unique to their own experiences. What hurts one person does not bother another. You can’t account for everyone’s sensitivities, that would be so so exhausting and not even possible! You aren’t a mind reader! But, you can be open to hearing how other people were hurt in a sympathetic way. And in turn, you can surround yourself with people that can hear how they hurt you in a sympathetic way.