Is it EMDR or is it Cooking?
EMDR therapy is like cooking—turning raw, bitter memories into something easier to process and understand. With time, support, and new insights, what once felt painful can transform into something new.
Let’s imagine that a memory or target in EMDR therapy is like an ingredient—something the client hates. Often, a client will bring me an experience that feels like, let’s say, a raw onion. They might describe it: “It’s bitter, it burns, and I hate it.”
I ask them, “What would you like to change about this onion?” Maybe they want it to be sweeter, more tolerable, easier to handle.
So, we take this metaphorical onion and put it in the pot. The butter I add to the pan represents the supportive, nonjudgmental energy I bring to the session.
Next comes the bilateral stimulation (BLS)—the stirring. Whether through eye movements or tactile tappers, BLS is a key part of EMDR, just like stirring is essential in cooking.
For many, the hardest part of EMDR is knowing what to do while the tappers or the light bar is going. Even with the instruction to “just notice what comes up,” it can feel passive or not “active enough.” In the beginning, people might not notice anything right away, which is totally normal. But it can also create anxiety and impatience. The onion is still raw; not much has changed yet.
The key is to keep stirring—and wait. Just like cooking, the EMDR process takes time. Our attention to the ingredients is like the heat under the pot, a necessary element in cooking an onion.
After a while, something starts to happen! The onion softens. The client begins to notice something new. Maybe they recognize they were just a child when the painful event happened. That realization adds a little sweetness—like sugar to the onion.
As we continue stirring, new ingredients—new information—get added. The client might realize they were carrying pressures that weren’t appropriate for their age. This could be the salt that enhances the flavor, bringing balance. Then, perhaps, we add a splash of tangy balsamic vinegar: the understanding that what happened wasn’t fair, that it wasn’t the client’s fault. This insight can transform bitterness into something more palatable.
With each stir (BLS), the onion continues to change. Slowly but surely, what was once a harsh, raw onion is transformed into caramelized onions—soft, sweet, and much more enjoyable. Now, these caramelized onions can be used in many ways—we can even add them to a burger, creating a hearty and robust meal. Just as caramelized onions enrich a dish, the client’s new perspective adds depth to their healing journey.
Humans, like a gourmet burger, are complex, with layers shaped by complicated histories. Sometimes, we carry judgment, shame, or even a deep dislike for parts of ourselves. And that’s okay. With time, new context, and fresh perspectives, we can turn that raw, bitter onion into something nourishing—wisdom, compassion, and a greater capacity for connection.