Understanding and Regulating Your Nervous System: Tools for Emotional Balance
In this blog post, you'll learn how the nervous system reacts to trauma and why those reactions—like feeling triggered—aren't overreactions but natural survival responses. This quick guide offers validation and tools for managing emotional balance after trauma.
How Your Body Reacts to Trauma (and How to Calm It)
Have you ever been told, “It’s all in your head” when you’ve had a panic attack or felt triggered? Well guess what? It’s not just in your head. It’s in your whole body. So, next time you feel bad for reacting, remind yourself that your body’s doing exactly what it’s been wired to do.
Here’s the deal: Your nervous system is basically your body’s communication hub, sending signals back and forth between your brain and the rest of you. It decides whether you feel safe or not and how to react in the moment.
My Nervous System Adventure (aka I Hate Hiking)
One time, I went hiking with some friends. Quick disclaimer: I hate hiking. Especially in groups. But, because peer pressure is real, I went anyway. As we were coming down the mountain, I was done. My legs were noodles, and I was ready to collapse.
Just as I was dragging myself to the car, out of nowhere, a horsefly bit me. And suddenly, BAM! I was sprinting like a track star. Somehow, my body found an energy boost. My nervous system kicked in, thinking, “Danger! Fly bite = run for your life!” And I listened.
Here’s where it gets wild: my logical brain was still tired, but my body didn’t care. It was in survival mode. And that’s exactly what happens when your nervous system hijacks your brain in the name of safety—even when there’s no real threat.
The Three States of the Nervous System: The Quick Breakdown
Enter Polyvagal Theory, aka the science of why your body reacts the way it does. There are three main nervous system states, each with its own "job":
Ventral Vagal State (Safe and Social):
This is your calm, "I got this" state. You feel safe, connected, and chill. Your heart is beating at a relaxed pace, your digestion is on point, and you can actually think clearly. In this state, you can solve problems, communicate, and interact like the functional adult you are.Sympathetic State (Fight-or-Flight):
When your body thinks there’s danger, it flips into fight-or-flight mode. Your heart starts racing, adrenaline rushes in, and you’re ready to either throw punches or run like you’re in a horror movie. This is useful if there’s actual danger, but staying in this state too long just leads to stress, anxiety, and exhaustion.Dorsal Vagal State (Shutdown/Freeze):
When things get really overwhelming, you might hit the shutdown or freeze state. It’s the "curl-up-in-a-ball" response where your heart slows, you feel disconnected or numb, and your body just says, "Nope, not dealing with this right now." It’s like a survival tactic when fighting or running won’t cut it.
Why You Get Stuck in These States (And No, You’re Not Overreacting)
Here’s the thing, trauma messes with how your nervous system works. If you’ve had experiences where safety wasn’t a given (especially in childhood), your brain created pathways to protect you. These pathways were super helpful back then because, well, survival! But now that you’re an adult, your body might still be reacting to things as if they’re dangerous, even when they’re not.
For example, if you grew up in a house where yelling meant someone was going to get hurt, your body learned to treat loud voices as a threat. So, when you hear someone raise their voice, your heart races, your muscles tense up, and boom—you’re in fight-or-flight. It’s not dramatic; it’s just your body doing its job, even though your logical brain knows you’re safe now.
How to Get Your Nervous System Back on Track
Alright, now for the good stuff: how do you get back to that calm, ventral vagal state? It’s all about activating the parasympathetic system, which helps you feel safe again. Here’s a quick guide to help you get back to “I’m okay” mode:
Breathing Exercises
Belly breathing: Deep, slow breaths from your belly can signal to your body that it’s safe.
Long exhales: Make your exhale longer than your inhale (e.g., 4 seconds in, 6 seconds out) to trigger that calm response.
Safe Social Interaction
Talk it out: Having a chat, smiling, or even making eye contact with someone you trust helps activate your social engagement system.
Hugs & touch: Holding hands or hugging someone you feel safe with signals to your nervous system, “We’re good.”
Mindfulness and Meditation
Stay present: Mindfulness practices like focusing on your breath or sensations help bring your nervous system back to the moment.
Loving-kindness meditation: Sending good vibes to yourself and others? It’s not just woo-woo—it can help shift you into a calmer state.
Somatic Techniques
Grounding: Focus on the sensation of your feet on the ground to help your body feel stable and safe.
Muscle relaxation: Tense and release different muscle groups to calm your system.
Body scanning: Slowly move your awareness through your body, checking in and releasing tension as you go.
Vocalization
Hum, sing, or chant: Sounds crazy, but these activities stimulate your vagus nerve, which helps calm you down.
Laughter: Yes, laughing can actually engage your parasympathetic system and make you feel more at ease.
Eye Contact and Smiling
Soft eye contact: Look gently at someone you trust; it signals safety.
Smile: Even if you have to fake it at first, smiling activates muscles connected to your vagus nerve.
Tactile Stimulation
Touch something comforting: Stroking a pet or holding a soft object can help regulate your nervous system.
Cold water: Splashing your face with cold water or using a cool compress can stimulate your vagus nerve.
Yoga and Gentle Movement
Yoga: Certain poses and sequences help shift you into a relaxed state.
Tai Chi/Qigong: Gentle movements paired with focused breathing can help calm your system.
Soothing Environments
Nature time: Go outside! The sound of birds, the feel of grass—it all helps your body feel safe.
Calm spaces: Dim the lights, quiet your space—create an environment that feels safe and soothing.
Therapeutic Practices
Somatic Experiencing & EMDR: Trauma therapies like these help you regulate your nervous system and heal over time.
Self-Compassion and Positive Self-Talk
Be kind to yourself: Talking to yourself like you’d talk to a friend—supportive and compassionate—helps shift your nervous system back to calm.
Self-care: Take a warm bath, drink tea, or read a book—anything that signals to your body that you’re safe.
Playfulness and Creativity
Get playful: Play with a kid, doodle, or get creative. It helps you feel safe and relaxed without even realizing it!
Improving Vagal Tone (aka Making It Easier to Calm Down)
Good news: you can train your nervous system to chill out more easily! This is called improving your vagal tone. Think of it like working out a muscle—practice these techniques regularly, and over time, it’ll get easier to go from triggered to calm. And if you need help along the way, working with a therapist can be a game-changer.
This post is your foundation for understanding how your nervous system works and how you can help yourself feel safe again. I’ll dive deeper into some of these topics in future posts, but for now, remember: you’re not overreacting—your body is just trying to keep you safe, even if the threat is long gone.